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Introducing: Martell & Moray

life's a bugger most of the time and then you hit forty. Your mind whispers "don't worry sunshine, you're really only twenty, you've got your whole life in front of you" but that bloody mirror just messes everything up. Your past is scattered around you and there's a tired looking old guitar languishing in the corner gracefully turning to dust that you haven't played properly for donkey years…..then one fine day……

…..Mr Moray's inability to keep a credit card in his pocket led him to the counter of an established camera emporium in Tottenham Court Road where the proprietor Mr Martell, a spiky haired gentleman with a crisply ironed shirt who knew a plonker when he saw one, duly relieved him of funds he hadn't got and was never really going to get anyway. From there developed a conversation that ended up with Mr Moray mentioning casually that as a young man he had supported 'The Jam' once at the Brighton Centre, with his then band 'Jump In Your Datsun'. Mr Martell's juices were suitably ignited and not long afterwards Guitar Night began.

Guitar Night comes highly recommended. It frees your soul, and keeps the local off licence and Quaver distributors in business. Here's how it works.....

INGREDIENTS:

2 blokes
2 guitars
2 empty jam jars
1 full bottle of premium brandy
1 bottle of single malt whisky
12 packets of quavers
1 box of maltesers
assorted vegetarian sausages and chicken legs in breadcrumbs

What to do next?

Pour ingredients into a room with closed doors, add casual banter and general merriment coupled with general grumblings about life and relationships….actually take a large jar of relationship grumblings and pour the bloody lot in…and simmer gently until the wee hours adding brandy, whisky and sundry items to taste. When brain to hand coordination noticeably refuses to function entirely, take leave for 3 hours before breakfast with coffee and Nurofen. Repeat this process once a week for about a year or two, release the fruits of your loins in the form of a CD to an adoring public and…erm….wait…..

Where does all this nonsense take place?

….Initially at the home of Solid Boner Productions at 12 Thurloe Place Mews South Kensington, a beautiful mews house Mr Moray used as a glamour photography studio until he realised that after 7 years he in fact had never really ever been able to afford to live there and needed to scarper fairly swiftly. Then Guitar Night moved north east to the camera emporium at 93 Tottenham Court Road, aided by air beds and hampered by noisy outside revellers before Kingsley Photographic, after 46 years of service, suffered a similar fate.

Never mind, something else will turn up sooner or later…..

But seriously folks we both share a love of good music with influences ranging from the Beatles and late sixties Mod through to the eighties classic pop of The Jam, Prefab Sprout and Aztec Camera. If we can do it, so can you……so come on, wash out the jam jars and start thinking of some really good excuses why your other half should let you spend one night a week away from home getting drunk and enjoying yourself thoroughly without them……

Honorary members of Martell & Moray include Macallan, a man who hates peppers but is a master on the sax and mixing desk and 'The Professor', whose award-winning promo films qualified him to shoot our videos.

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martell & moray